i've arrived Taiwan last midnight... it's really tiring...
after i arrived i still had to arrange my stuff.. owh come on... really can't bare it..
um... can u believe it... i cried in the airplane when i watched astro boy...
such a weird thing, isn't it?? but i didn't cry because of the story...

huff... i really miss her badly... i just can't take that memory of what happened that day out of my mind.. it's just killing me... i want to fight... but i think i'm not really that ready... i just can pray... and surrender all to Him...

today... i make the biggest fake smile face in my 18 year life time...
what an amazing actor i am there... pretending there is nothing happen.. and pretending that my heart is always that good... that actually i can't even put how hurt it is in to words...

i don't know how to act... it's just silly, in these several years, i keep on smiling in front of everyone... let every people see my fake smiling face..
they don't even trust that i'm not in the mood, when i told them...
i don't know is that really that i wan't...

i just don't know... what i know in less than 3 days time, i'll back to my track, building my future... n consider to fight harder than i should... i dunno whether i need to fight for my "so called" love until that far...
i just too afraid to get hurt... but i know that's what a man should do... i need to learn everything...

so i think i'll try to fight this battle...

okay... my days are miserable...
thanks to Ribka... she's just so understand me...

i think it's time for me to do some tansformation...
i'll try to grab my future...
yup... it's gonna be a hard 3 n a half year... a really hard year...
i just can pray to Him.. wish he could help me...
n i know He will always be with me...

er...
okay... this time... it's not some kind like Chinese New Year to me...
since i've always got red pocket..

okay... this year won't happen... i won't get... any...
and i keep on hearing everyone shouting the excitement of getting theirs...
kind of sad, but... it's life.. cheer up boy...

anyway.... Happy Chinese New Year... and Valentine's day...
it's a hard day this morning...
but it's big day tonight... i dunno how to tell the person...
i'll just do n say what i have too.. if it goes wrong then... let's just wait how His plan is made for my life.. i Believe in Him..

i don't know how to make that choice...
i think i'm so childish that i can't make my own choice and keep depending on others...